Quote Browser
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#586 Up↑ /151 Down↓ [Report] 2009-05-21 22:39 EDT
Mr. Citron: Wearing nail polish is dangerous, because paramedics need to check your fingertips for oxygen deprivation if you get in an accident. And then, if you're wearing nail polish, they just assume you're oxygen deprived and hook you up to the tank, and then sue you for unnecessary procedures or something, all because you were wearing nail polish.
Girl: But it looks pretty!
Mr. Citron: Wearing nail polish is like covering yourself in ketchup and then getting shot. -
#581 Up↑ /57 Down↓ [Report] 2009-05-20 14:17 EDT
// Discussing a story in AP Spanish
// No one is allowed to talk in English
Student 1: Cada dia es un pez de muerte.
Student 2: Every day is a fish of death?
Student 1: No, no, no. Cada dia es un pie de muerte.
Student 2: Every day is a foot of death?
Student 1: No, no, no. Cada dia es una paz de muerte.
Student 2: Every day is a peace of death?
Student 1: No, no, no! Cada dia es un (*furtively glances towards Ms. Monserrat*) step towards death. -
#564 Up↑ /46 Down↓ [Report] 2009-05-19 22:21 EDT
// The day of second marking period report cards
// Student 1 comes to the gym locker rooms crying
Student 2: Don't worry, they don't count.
Student 1: What?
Student 2: It's only second marking period.
Student 1: Oh, thanks, but it actually has nothing to do with that.
Student 2: IT DOESN'T?!
Student 1: No, it actually is completely unrelated.
Student 2: Oh, now I get it! In that case, it's okay, all guys are jerks! -
#562 Up↑ /217 Down↓ [Report] 2009-05-16 21:07 EDT
Section Leader: Here's the grade sheet, Ms. Hall.
Ms. Hall: You didn't give this student a comment.
Section Leader: That's me, Ms. Hall.
Ms. Hall: Well, give yourself a comment.
Section Leader: What comment should I give myself?
Ms. Hall: How about "pain in the ass"? Is that a comment? -
#561 Up↑ /40 Down↓ [Report] 2009-05-16 18:32 EDT
// Talking about different countries and flags in Spanish class
Sr. Garcia: ¿Como es la bandera Italiano?
Scott: Es roja..., blanca..., y... verduras!
// TRANSLATION
Mr. Garcia: What is the Italian flag like?
Scott: It's red..., white..., and... vegetables!
// He was looking for "verde" -
#556 Up↑ /40 Down↓ [Report] 2009-05-15 00:35 EDT
// Talking about Mexican investments in US companies
Mr. Polazzo: In fact, there's been a pretty major Mexican investment recently. Does anyone know about it?
Student: Wait, that communications guy?
Mr. Polazzo: Yeah, he was involved in communications. What did he do?
Student: He bought... mad shares?
Mr. Polazzo: In?
Student: In some... big company?
Mr. Polazzo: Exactly, a rich communications guy bought mad shares in some big company!
