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• #1253 Up↑ +48/68 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-12 19:34 EDT

  Female Student: Can I use the bathroom?
  Math teacher: You ask every day!
  Female Student: Please, I really have to go.
  Math teacher: All right, but one day I'm just going to hit you.
  *student leaves*
  Math teacher (whispering): ...and I'm going to make you like it.

• #1249 Up↑ +127/141 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-12 17:34 EDT

  Dr. Chen: Sometimes on test, student write zero times one is one. Is very strange.

  Tags: chen precalculus

• #1248 Up↑ +22/42 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-12 17:33 EDT

  // Dr. Pilloff is struggling to draw anti-parallel strands of DNA
  Dr. Pilloff: This is harder than parallel parking.

  Tags: bio pilloff

• #1247 Up↑ +85/95 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-12 10:14 EDT

  // Barbin's gym class - students doing push-ups
  Barbin: Come on class! Do it for your Country! Your Province! Kazakhstan!

  Tags: barbin gym

• #1246 Up↑ +39/45 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-11 21:11 EDT

  Ms. Schimmel: Mr. Rosen FORCED you to give him your cookies?! Not like he needs them...

  Tags: cookies rosen schimmel

• #1245 Up↑ +174/190 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-11 21:05 EDT

  Ms. Hall: Excuse me! Is this your lunch period?
  Soprano: Um... no...
  Ms. Hall: Then what in God's name are you eating!?
  Soprano: Cheese-its...
  Ms. Hall: Cheese-its? CHEESE-ITS?
  Soprano: Would you like some?
  Ms. Hall: *jaw drops and stares in disbelief*

  Tags: chorus hall

• #1244 Up↑ +73/81 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-11 20:54 EDT

  // Bernstein, explaining how she's an artist.
  Ms. Bernstein: I made this table you see.
  Student: The nails aren't in all the way.
  Ms. Bernstein: I know. That way people will get hurt when they aren't looking.

  Tags: art bernstein

• #1243 Up↑ +150/164 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-11 20:49 EDT

  Mr. Tillman: Please, I have a limo take me to school every day.
  Student: You mean the subway?
  Mr Tillman: Hey. If it's long, goes fast, has lots of windows, it's a limo.

  Tags: subway tillman

• #1241 Up↑ +53/55 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-11 20:08 EDT

  Mr. Boericke: That's taxable. Especially since you were talking. Punitive taxation.
  *takes Hershey's Kiss from student's desk*

  Tags: boericke economics

• #1236 Up↑ +56/60 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-11 20:05 EDT

  Mr. Grossman: You guys are actually making me feel high today.

  Tags: great.books grossman

• #1235 Up↑ +102/108 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-11 19:44 EDT

  // A student sees the sign by the main entrance, which claimed that Mr. Teitel won a Nobel Prize, and is making a scene.
  Mr. Mott: *comes out of mailbox room* You are too vertically challenged to be making that much noise!

  Tags: mott teitel

• #1234 Up↑ +6/30 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-11 19:39 EDT

  // A student hands in homework at the end of the period
  Dr. Pilloff: You know, I really have to stop accepting homeworks like a week late.
  Dr. Pilloff: ...When was this due?
  Student: Uh...yesterday.

  Tags: biology homeworks pilloff

• #1233 Up↑ +271/285 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-11 11:20 EDT

  Mr. Majewski: Oh, Rosa should read! She has such a good voice! She does opera with Ms. Hell. 
  Mr. Majewski: Ms. Hall, sorry, I mean Ms. Hall. So easy to make mistake like this.

  Tags: hall majewski

• #1232 Up↑ +171/181 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-11 10:52 EDT

  Mr. Majewski: A student in my last class ask me, "Why do we care about such small answer?"
  Mr. Majewski: So I tell him, "Why do you eat such small pretzel? You should eat the whole cow!"
  Student: Mr. Majewski, pretzels don't come from cows.

  Tags: majewski

• #1230 Up↑ +93/97 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-09 23:29 EDT

  // Mr. Donin's back is turned to the door and Ms. Suri walks in to give him keys
  Ms. Suri: Hi, Mr. Donin.
  Mr. Donin: Who said that? Plus mark!!

  Tags: donin suri us.history

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