Top Quotes
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#562 Up↑ /217 Down↓ [Report] 2009-05-16 21:07 EDT
Section Leader: Here's the grade sheet, Ms. Hall.
Ms. Hall: You didn't give this student a comment.
Section Leader: That's me, Ms. Hall.
Ms. Hall: Well, give yourself a comment.
Section Leader: What comment should I give myself?
Ms. Hall: How about "pain in the ass"? Is that a comment? -
#1837 Up↑ /107 Down↓ [Report] 2011-04-03 09:37 EDT
// Learning about diluted solutions
Mr. Orlando: So. you have this glass of Kool-Aid. And you're about to drink it. But then your friend comes along, thirsty, and says, "You know, I think the only thing that was satisfy my thirst would be a glass of Kool-Aid!" What would you do?
Mr. Orlando: Well, the Republican answer would be, "I'll drink the Kool-Aid because I earned it! My friend can drink water."
Mr. Orlando: The Communist answer is, "I, Mr. Orlando, am supreme ruler, and I get all the Kool-Aid. You, my underlings, get meager rations of water."
Mr. Orlando: The Democratic answer is, "Let's pour half the Kool-Aid down the drain and ration what's left!"
Mr. Orlando: That's your lesson in politics for the day. -
#1206 Up↑ /107 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-03 14:04 EDT
Student: Mr. Francis, is it true that you said, "I would rather kick a man than kill a dog?"
Mr. Francis: Uhh, I think you meant, "Would you rather kill a man than kick a dog." And, yes, I would rather kill a man.
Student: Why?
Mr. Francis: Because kicking a dog is mean.
*Class erupts in laughter* -
#1147 Up↑ /85 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-17 12:16 EDT
Dr. Stern: Mr. Sandler does all the AP prep after school, because for some reason he likes to stay after school. I don't.
Dr. Stern: Except sometimes I have to show up anyway cause he has to practice with the handball team during playoff season.
Dr. Stern: ... I hope the handball team doesn't make the playoffs. -
#1245 Up↑ /190 Down↓ [Report] 2010-05-11 21:05 EDT
Ms. Hall: Excuse me! Is this your lunch period?
Soprano: Um... no...
Ms. Hall: Then what in God's name are you eating!?
Soprano: Cheese-its...
Ms. Hall: Cheese-its? CHEESE-ITS?
Soprano: Would you like some?
Ms. Hall: *jaw drops and stares in disbelief* -
#426 Up↑ /190 Down↓ [Report] 2009-03-05 16:41 EST
// Mr. Dibbs is doing equilibrium demonstration involving solutions of varying color
Mr. Dibbs: This red test tube, when placed in hot water will become more red, but when placed in cold water will become purple.
Student: That isn't red, that's brown.
Mr. Dibbs: Red, brown, same thing. You kids and your different colors. Back in my day, you'd get crayon boxes with just the three primary colors. Now you've got those boxes of 150,000 crayon colors - Upstate New York Green! Electric Ruby! Montana Sunset, 5 PM!
Mr. Dibbs: And why do they need so many blues? You've got navy blue, sky blue, cerulean blue, periwinkle blue, azure, midnight blue... and what the hell is up with baby blue? Am I the only one who thinks of a still-born when I hear baby blue?
Mr. Dibbs: Speaking of which, why are all the colors so cheerful? What about cadaver green? Funerial purple? Rigor mortis red?
// After experiment
Mr. Dibbs: Okay, class, so what color is the test tube?
Class: Purple.
Mr. Dibbs: No, it's midnight fuchsia. -
#1502 Up↑ /126 Down↓ [Report] 2010-11-07 12:43 EST
Mr. Lostal: I want you to go online and look up on that you tube thing "High Fructose Corn Syrup"
*Hits desk angrily with ruler*
Mr. Lostal: That way you can use the internet to find the dangers of bad things like high fructose corn syrup. Don't use the internet for that prostitute Lady Gaga.
