Quote Browser
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#653 Up↑ /175 Down↓ [Report] 2009-09-11 23:13 EDT
Mr. Polazzo: You might be wondering how you got your assigned seats.
Mr. Polazzo: What I do is I throw the delaney cards on the floor and point a laser pointer at them. Then my cat runs over at the pointer and messes up the cards.
Mr. Polazzo: And then I put them together and there are your seats. -
#652 Up↑ /41 Down↓ [Report] 2009-09-08 20:10 EDT
// A freshman gets his facts wrong
Garreth: Never trust an incoming freshman.
Garreth: I mean, "incoming" is usually what is yelled before someone or something crashes into you, possibly leading to the breaking of several limbs, or even death.
Garreth: Are you willing to trust this "incoming" "fresh" "man" with your life?
Garreth: Your life, sir? -
#640 Up↑ /72 Down↓ [Report] 2009-06-26 22:17 EDT
Mr. Boericke: And then I mimed the deodorant, and they took me to the brushes.
Student: There is no deodorant in China!
Mr. Boericke: Exactly! There is a manufactured demand for deodorant here that does not exist in China!
Student: Wait, really? I didn’t think it was really true, I was just being racist. -
#631 Up↑ /67 Down↓ [Report] 2009-06-16 16:25 EDT
// Regents proctor sees a student come into her testing room
Regents Proctor: Hey, aren't you that kid who was smokin' yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's right, you're the one that flipped me the bird! Now I have yo' name and yo' ID numba and I can call up yo' parents...
Regents Proctor: Today is just my lucky day! -
#627 Up↑ /63 Down↓ [Report] 2009-06-11 16:59 EDT
Mr. Kennedy: The only thing I ever practiced for in my life was basketball.
Mr. Kennedy: I really wanted to get on the basketball team, so I practiced and practiced, every day after school for a semester.
Mr. Kennedy: Finally, I went to try out. Now, I wasn't in the best shape, so I knew I was on the edge.
Mr. Kennedy: I knew that I had to do something really impressive right then and right there if I wanted to make the team.
Mr. Kennedy: I got the ball, and instead of passing, I knew the only way I could impress the coach was if I shot a three-pointer right then.
Mr. Kennedy: So I got into the best position I could and shot.
Student: Did you make it?
Mr. Kennedy: It didn't even go in the right direction.
// Mr. Kennedy then explained that he never practiced for anything ever again.
