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#951 Up↑ +164/178 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-11 21:18 EST

Mr. Dibbs: One time, my daughter asked me why we use salt to melt ice.
Mr. Dibbs: I gave her the whole explanation I just gave you guys and told her ANYTHING could be used to melt the ice, even alcohol!
Mr. Dibbs: So the next day I come home and she's pouring my scotch on the ice outside.
Mr. Dibbs: Yeah, I put her in the orphanage after that.

Tags: ap.chem dibbs ice melt
#950 Up↑ +141/151 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-11 15:48 EST

Masha: Yeah, all they do is create Facebook pages and invite friends, and twitter.
Mr. Polazzo: Masha, you don't twitter, you *tweet*.
Masha: Oh, Mr. Polazzo, you keep me young.
Mr. Polazzo: You old fogies.

Tags: ap.gov faceook polazzo twitter
#948 Up↑ +5/29 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-10 16:07 EST

Ms. Breslin: The cricket sound is awfully loud...

Tags: breslin metaphysics
#947 Up↑ +74/78 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-10 16:07 EST

// Ms. Breslin forgot her paper.
Ms. Breslin: Guys, can I go down and come back up and not see chaos?
Ms. Breslin: As in all your clothes are still on.
Ms. Breslin: If anyone comes, tell them I went to the bathroom.

Tags: breslin metaphysics
#946 Up↑ +39/47 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-09 14:47 EST

Student 1: Drake is so famous right now.
Student 2: Yeah, seriously.
Mr. Orlando: Who's Drake? I haven't heard of him.
Student 1: Really? He's this famous rapper. He's on Z100 like all the time.
Mr. Orlando: If he's on Z100, he's as hood as me.

Tags: chemistry orlando
#945 Up↑ +67/73 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-09 10:12 EST

Mr. Schepard: When that many people are crowded around a laptop, you must be watching porn.
*class laughs*
Student: It's a webcam.
Mr. Schepard: *Blinks twice* No comment.

Tags: laptop schepard
#942 Up↑ +18/36 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-08 18:06 EST

// Two white students have a conversation.
Student 1: That's the pot calling the kettle black.
Student 2: Well you're a kettle.
Student 1: You're a pot.
Student 2: I'd rather be a kettle than a pot.
Student 1: Well, you're black.

Tags: black kettle pot
#941 Up↑ +96/108 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-08 17:55 EST

Student: You realize that when someone says, "Are you ticklish?" it means "I'm going to touch you now."

Tags: tickling
#940 Up↑ +100/108 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-08 12:56 EST

Mr. Francis: Don't use the Thesaurus function on your computer. It is the one dinosaur I wish were extinct.

Tags: francis thesaurus
#938 Up↑ +73/79 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-08 00:48 EST

// Talking about candidate platforms in the recent election
Polazzo: Obama's was "I bring hope and change," Clinton's was "I'm the experienced one," and McCain's was...uhhh...
Polazzo: His was "I'm the grumpy old troll who lives under the bridge."

Tags: ap.gov mccain obama polazzo
#937 Up↑ +41/49 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-07 20:56 EST

// Mr. Esper draws a map of the United States that looks like this:
   ______________
  |              |
  |              |
  |____________  |
               |_|
*class laughs*
Student: Where is California? Texas is gone!
Mr. Esper: Eh, we don't need Texas.

Tags: esper physics.c
#936 Up↑ +118/124 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-07 20:08 EST

// Learning about compound interest.
*Dr. Chen writes 'principal' on board
Damian: Dr. Chen, you spelled 'principal' wrong.
Brendan: Yeah Dr. Chen, it's with an -le not -al
Dr. Chen: WHO TEACH YOU ENGLISH LANGUAGE?
Dr. Chen: YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ENGLISH LANGUAGE?!?

Notes: It's actually "principal" with -al, so Dr. Chen was right.

Tags: chen math
#935 Up↑ +41/53 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-07 20:05 EST

*Phone rings. Dr. Chen answers it.*
Dr. Chen: Hello?
Dr. Chen: DISH?!?!
Dr. Chen: No, I have no dish...
*apparently that means a student had to go to programming*

Tags: chen math
#934 Up↑ +57/63 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-07 18:14 EST

Mr. Francis: Sri, what did you say?
Sri: I basically said the same thing (as the last person).
Mr. Francis, loudly: Oh, bullshit!
*Laughs and applause*

Tags: english francis
#932 Up↑ +25/35 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-06 09:47 EST

Mr. Avallone: So I have 6.1 kg of punch at 20 ºC and 1.4 kg of ice at 0 ºC. I want to know will I have enough punch to serve the guests at the fabulous party I am hosting tonight.
Student: Wait, you are hosting a fabulous party without inviting me.
Mr. Avallone: Well I only have 6.1 kg so the guest list has to be pretty small.

Tags: ap.physics.b avallone party

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#951 Up↑ +164/178 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-11 21:18 EST

#950 Up↑ +141/151 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-11 15:48 EST

#948 Up↑ +5/29 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-10 16:07 EST

#947 Up↑ +74/78 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-10 16:07 EST

#946 Up↑ +39/47 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-09 14:47 EST

#945 Up↑ +67/73 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-09 10:12 EST

#942 Up↑ +18/36 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-08 18:06 EST

#941 Up↑ +96/108 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-08 17:55 EST

#940 Up↑ +100/108 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-08 12:56 EST

#938 Up↑ +73/79 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-08 00:48 EST

#937 Up↑ +41/49 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-07 20:56 EST

#936 Up↑ +118/124 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-07 20:08 EST

#935 Up↑ +41/53 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-07 20:05 EST

#934 Up↑ +57/63 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-07 18:14 EST

#932 Up↑ +25/35 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-06 09:47 EST