Quote Browser
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#1580 Up↑ /91 Down↓ [Report] 2010-12-19 16:32 EST
//update to quote 592
Student: Mr. Boericke, is it true that you killed an alligator before?
Mr. Boericke: Well. Technically, I didn't KILL it, but I still feel really really bad about it.
Mr. Boericke: When I was in the army, our team was put up on top of this hill during training and there was nothing but marsh all around us. We had this mortar with us and one of us spotted an alligator like 5 miles away, so we did all the calculations, someone else put the shell in and we hit it spot on.
Mr. Boericke: I still feel really bad about it and to this day, I regret doing that.
Student: Wait, but it wasn't YOU who killed it.
Mr. Boericke: Right, but I still sat around and giggled like an idiot. -
#1579 Up↑ /46 Down↓ [Report] 2010-12-19 16:25 EST
// The class interrogates Mr. Boericke about his life.
Student: Mr. Boericke, you've done like everything! Have you ever gone skydiving?
Mr. Boericke: *Pauses* No, but I've jumped out of a plane.
Student 1: I heard you did martial arts.
Mr. Boericke: Yeah, I did martial arts for 20 years.
Student 2: ...are you a ninja? -
#1578 Up↑ /59 Down↓ [Report] 2010-12-19 16:22 EST
// Mr. Boericke goes on a tangent instead of telling us about Social Security.
Mr. Boericke: And notice the huge difference in the money you get if you retire at 62 and if you retire at 70. They try to get you to work til 70 and they're DESPERATELY hoping you die before then.
Mr. Boericke: But I'll probably make it. Nobody in my family gets dementia or Alzheimer's...although my grandfather did get a little senile...
Mr. Boericke: He lived in this nice old folk's home and it had this big window overlooking a pond with ducks in it.
Mr. Boericke: He would say that the ducks were watching him and reporting him whenever he did something bad. -
#1577 Up↑ /58 Down↓ [Report] 2010-12-19 16:14 EST
Mr. Boericke: Why am I so much farther ahead in this class than the other?
Class: You haven't gone on a tangent yet.
Mr. Boericke: *pauses* Oh, that's right. I did go on a tangent in the other class.
*silence*
Class: That's your cue to go on a tangent.
*Boericke proceeds to tell the class why Bloomberg could be the next president* -
#1576 Up↑ /23 Down↓ [Report] 2010-12-19 16:11 EST
// update to quote 1306
// A student has asked about Sharkey
Mr. Boericke: Yeah, I saw that quote. They said something about Sharkey being able to open beer bottles with his toes or something. That's not what it was.
Class: Wait, so what was it?
Mr. Boericke: My mother's first boyfriend was from the Jersey Shore and he was a lifeguard. It was that he could crush cans with his bare feet.
Mr. Boericke: And yeah, one day there was a hurricane and his lifeguard chair was swept out, so he went to save it and he was never heard from again. -
#1567 Up↑ /188 Down↓ [Report] 2010-12-15 22:05 EST
Ms. Hall: You, baritone, back there! What have you been looking at this entire period?
Ms. Hall: Come up here and show me right now!
*Baritone walks up and hands Ms. Hall his report card which he's been looking at*
Ms. Hall: We got these two hours ago! Put it away!
*Pause*
Ms. Hall: And work harder on your chemistry labs.
